Be Happy

Matthew 5:1-12 is typically known as the beatitudes (I have no idea how to really spell that). But for me it's more of a list of qualities I don't have. How condemning is it to read that I should want to do right more than anything else, or that I should show mercy, or that I should be pure in my thinking? Man that's a tough list of stuff. Some of them are easy for me, but these three are pretty tough.
I act like I want to do right more than anything else. But deep down, I desire to do what's right for me.
As for mercy, I don't desire mercy, I desire accountability without mercy. Mercy is emotional. The only time I desire it is when I need it, which happens to be nearly constantly.
But the last one of these three is the worst. I am the least pure person I know. My motives are always impure for things. I feel like I secretly desire my own glory. It's tough to separate that out from the male desire to be a success in his profession.
But also the purity of my mind leaves something to be desired. It's a constant struggle for me. As I'm sure it is with most guys. Always good to have something to desire and to strain to achieve. If we're not improving ourselves, we're just dying. JM